Voices
by monkeylove123
Summary: Lilly is haunted by the voices of her loved ones and foes, well stealing the RV things worsen when the voices get more and more real with images of those people popping up and with a new responsibly she didn't intend on having the voices seems so real...but as much as she knows it's not real...she wants it to be.


**More Walking dead from me~! Please enjoy. I don't not own the Walking dead**

"You can't keep putting it off." Carley said mockingly a smirked on her face as she sat in the passenger seat of the RV. Legs crossed and arms folded against her chest, as if she almost enjoyed Lilly's panicky suffering state, Lilly drove the RV down the road. It was around sunrise the pink and orange light from the sunrise reflected in the puddles from rain on the road, giving off a sparkly glimmer.

"Shut up..." Lilly hissed as she drove the RV down the lonely road, not even bothering to look at Carley.

"I'm surprise you knew it's best to take one in the mornings, you never seemed like the kind of person who would know that" Carley taunted a wicked grin on her face.

"SHUT UP!" Lilly snapped as her body jerked around to the passenger seat, her face flushed red from yelling so hard and her eyes full of anger and her face drenched in sweat, anger and hatred for the reporter grew quite deep.

Yet there in the passenger seat was no one.

Lilly shook her head biting her lower lip as she turned back to the ghostly road.

'_I'm fucking losing it...no I'm not! Keep it together Lilly! Your just...your just tried...yeah you haven't rested since yesterday and been sick few past few weeks...yeah...That's it...maybe I can pull over and get a good rest that's all I need!' _

Lilly though and sighed glancing over to a small close door behind the RV, there contained the small cramped bathroom. Carley was right though...she couldn't keep putting it off.

No!

'_Carley's fucking dead! I shot her myself she's...she's not here..._' Lilly told her herself through her thoughts over and over again remembering the horrors of the event that had played. The way she pulled the trigger and sent a bullet through Carley's skull, sending Carley to her quick death which no one saw coming...not even Lilly.

'_She's dead, she's dead, she dead, she's fucking dead'_

"These things only take three minutes, it's been an hour" Said the voice of Carley, Lilly unwillingly turned around to see Carley sitting on the sofa like seating behind her, Carley was laid out as if she was relaxed in this hellhole of a world, her head resting on a dull yellow pillow.

"Shut up..." Lilly whispered her hands shaking turning back the road.

'_She's dead, she's dead...Carley's dead._' She though over and over again. Not willing to believe that she was seeing and hearing. Carley was dead as a door nail, the way that bullet went through her...there was no way she could of survived. Yet here she was, taunting the military woman in her state of distress.

"What? Scared it's true? That if it is your weak? You were foolish?" Carley said no longer taunting but sternly talking to Lilly as she sat up. "You can't control everyone and everything that goes on, and this is just one of those things." She said narrowing her eyes as Lilly shut her eyes tightly.

'_Go away...just go the fuck away.'_

"You never could control anything or anyone, the only thing that mattered to you was your father that was always your top priority, your _**only**_ priority. The rest of the group wasn't one of them. Not me, not Kenny, not Lee, not Katjaa and not Clementine-"

"That's not true!" Lilly shrieked her plus racing, sweat drip down from her palms as they shook violently, finding it hard to breathe as if someone was sitting on her chest.

"It is Lilly, you never did care about anyone else."

"That's not true..."

"You couldn't give a shit if Kenny died, just gives you more of an excuse to lead, or if Clementine or Duck died there just more mouths to feed after all, why waste rations on children? They can't pick up a gun or hunt."

"THAT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE I DID CARE!" Lilly screamed her voice breaking gripping the steering wheel so tightly it hurt her hands turning them a dull fleshly red.

Carley smirked watching Lilly slowly break down, it seemed almost enjoyable to the reporter in some sick sadistic way, like a soap opera you would watch on TV all curled up in a blanket with a bowl of popcorn and laugh and enjoy the drama of a crazy woman breaking down.

"Did you?"

"I-I.I did...I loved..." Lilly whimpered fighting back the urge to cry as she let her head fell onto the hard steering wheel carelessly but careful not to honk the horn by mistake."I...I cared..." she sobbed lightly.

'_She's wrong, she fucking wrong I did care...'_

Lilly let out a loud sob and lifted her head and turned around about to yell at Carley.

But she wasn't there, as if she disappeared like some kind of ghost...

'_Ghost aren't real! Get a fucking grip Lilly! You're losing it...and you can't afford to, not here, note now, not ever...'_

Perhaps this was a sick form of karma or a punishment...if so just get it over with. She couldn't do this much longer. The voices were starting to affect her mental state. Hearing them was one thing, but seeing them...were they ghosts? No they aren't real...images like this...she can't be sane.

"Damn it! Get it together for fucks sake! I'm going to live through this hellhole!" Lilly whispered to herself loudly as she wiped her watery eyes which had become red and slightly puffy. She took a moment to glance back to the small room in the RV that contained the bathroom. She knew she couldn't put it off forever...it didn't matter if she looked now or later. Either it was true or not and putting it off wouldn't help, it would only distract her with the thought of '_Is it true?'_

Lilly felt a wave of nausea come on, taking a deep breath she clutched her stomach.

'_Please no...'_

The wave of nausea got more intense causing Lilly to gag as she clutched her stomach and covered her mouth through each violent choke as she felt the vomit begin to make its way out of her stomach to her mouth. Quickly as she could she rolled down the RV window and hung her head out removed her hand from her mouth to hold her hair back as green vomit poured from my mouth and landed on the road with a splat.

She groan in discomforted as the last bit of vomit was removed from her system then wiped the small specks of vomit off from her lips with her arms, not really caring if it was unhygienic or not. Not like sinks or toothbrushes are available twenty four seven.

Lilly reached for a bottle of warm water that was resting peacefully in the RV's cup holder, she unscrewed the bottle cap and took in a large mouthful, swishing it in her mouth hoping it would removed the puke taste left in her mouth, she soon spitted the water out from the RV window. Like the vomit it landed with a splat.

With the taste somewhat out of her mouth as well as the box of crackers she ate the night before she then decided she couldn't out it off any longer. With her legs feeling like they weight a ton she slowly walked to the door of the RV bathroom.

She raises her shaky hand and turned the small brass doorknob opening the wooden door and revealing a cramped bathroom complete with a toilet and white sink. Lying peacefully on the edge of the sink was a long white rod.

Her hands shook as she slowly reached for it. The white rod was a pregnancy test, something no woman wants to take where the world was like this, a living hellhole of bloodshed and endless fear, who in their right mind would want to bring a frail baby into this mess?

Lilly never planned to have kids, even back when things were normal. Her work always came first, well second her father always came first and then work and that was it. She had no time for romance or getting married and settling and being a housewife, that kind of cookie cutter lifestyle didn't appeal to her in the slightly.

_Then she met him..._

Lilly shook her head. _'Fuck it! Just look at it already, it's probably going to be negative, you used protection.'_ She thought to try to work up the nerve to look at the test, her eyes were sealed tightly, and it almost hurt her eye lids. She slowly opens them.

Her heart froze.

A big red plus sight stood there, mocking her in its little white window.

'_Fuck, is this even the right symbol? Maybe the plus means positively not pregnant.'_

Even in her own mind this sounded stupid to her. She was in no doubt denial that she was pregnant. Digging up the box the test came in which she tossed away in a waste basket, she read the label that was written on the box about what seemed like a million times until she sunk in.

Yup, she was pregnant.

"Shit!" Hissed Lilly gripping the white stick as she marched back to the driver's seat of the RV and sat down. As much she would love to pretend it wasn't happening, it was. There was a human being growing inside of her. The facts all added up.

Her sore breasts, the vomiting even the odd cravings she had for anything salty. It all added up...

Lilly griped the pregnancy test tighter, turning her fist to a shade of red. Angered ran through her veins as she chucked it harshly out the RV window, not ever wanting to see it ever again.

Lilly buried her face into her hands. She wasn't ready for a baby, she never was. This was her fault...she was dumb enough to fall in love, and HIM of all people. The stupid grin and his face, which she loved and his eyes...

"AGGH!" Lilly groaned. Fuck it as much as she wanted to deny it, deny it all...she fell in love with him, Lilly Caul had fallen in love had sex and got pregnant in this shithole of a world, Alone, cold, hungry and pregnant. How could she be so stupid and let herself fall in love? She was trying to lead the group she didn't have time for a relationship.

Still she let him in, let him into her heart gave love a chance. And this is what happened...

Lilly removed her hands from her face and glanced at her stomach, carefully placing her two hands on it, on the verge of crying.

No way could she support the kid within her, growing inside her womb she could barely support herself after all, her sanity was already draining away slowly. She fucking killed Carley for hell sake! God knows she'll have no patience for a young child growing up in this world.

No birthday cakes, no Saturday morning cartoons, no gifts from Santa and no sense of being loved and cuddled with no worries or fears with mommy and daddy. Just a world of death and the never ending fear of being eaten alive.

'_This is my fault, I should have been more careful...'_ Lilly though to herself holding back tears. _'I was stupid...I-I should had never let him in.'_

Lilly blinked back more tears. Don't cry...that was her rule for surviving this world now. Show no fear and no weakness. No way would she let herself look weak in front of her former group, even if there weren't there anymore...aside from the voices of course. Maybe that is what cause her to snap, Maybe everything would had been fine if she just had a good long cry in front of everyone let her weakness show, then maybe things would had turned out difference.

"He loved you, you know."

Lilly's eyes widen as she heard the gruff voice, it filled her heart up with happiness, the first good feeling she had after since this happened. She turned around.

"Dad..." she barely choked out.

There he was, in the flesh and blood, his head just fine and not crushed and spattered like it was in the meat locker. Lilly's heart filled up with joy her eyes watering as she looked at him, feeling her hands shake nervously wanting to run up to him and wrap her arms around him like she was a child again, but something kept her from doing so.

"He always got such a dewy love stuck look in his eyes whenever you two talked." Larry said looking fairly neutral as he usually did, as if Kenny and Lee never smashed his head with a saltlick. Larry showed no anger, no sadness just plain calmness for once since this world mess started.

Lilly was fairly surprise her father would choose such a topic to talk about right now. Fighting the urge to cry out how she failed to stop Lee and Kenny from murdering him she decided to go along with the topic of his choice.

"You...could tell?"

"A father knows." Said Larry giving a gentle smile, the first time in a long time she seen her father smile like that in this hellhole, it made her inside go all warm and fuzzy.

"I...I'm pregnant with his kid..." Lilly choked out the dreaded reminded that her world was never going to be the same again.

"He would have been happy." He simply replied taking out a flask of whiskey. Lilly knew her father was never a big drinker but always had a soft spot for a good whiskey but was carful with his heart problems. "He was a good man, he made you happy. Pretty decent..." Larry said taking a quick sip from the flask.

"I couldn't tell you though that about him." Lilly said chuckling lightly. Yes, her dad could be an ass sometimes and cut no slack for anyone unless it was to praise her.

"I...tried." he said. "True hard worker, bit of a pansy but he tried hard. You meant the world to him, he really did love you."

Lilly couldn't hold back anymore, her feelings and urge to hug him and cry took over. She jumped out of him seat and threw her arms around him doing her best to fight back tears.

"Let it out, we all need to." Larry said as he wrapped his arms around. Lilly was unsure if he was telling her what she wanted to hear or what she needed to hear but either way she cried. Finally allowing the tears she had been holding back to stream down her face and drip down her chin.

"I...I..." Lilly tried to choke out how she failed to save him but it ended in whimpering sobs.

"Let it out pumpkin, you earned it." Larry spoke softly as he patted her back as Lilly sobbed harder.

"I-I'm not ready to me a mother, I can't do this!" she cried as Larry ran his fingers through Lilly's long dark brown hair.

"You're brave, stay that way." Larry whispered. "You got the true skills of a true survivor." Was all he said as he held Lilly closer as she whimpered harder.

"I-I promise...Dad?"

"Yes?"

"I-I'm sorry! I-I...I couldn't save you!" she finally got that off her chest.

"I was dead as soon as I hit the ground, it wasn't your fault...you did the very best you could like anyone." Larry spoke, no anger in his voice, no swearing or cussing out Kenny and Lee's name not even forgiveness, just love for his daughter. Something no matter who he was yelling at he always did it out of love for his beloved daughter, she was all he had left...and once she met the man who changed her world he knew she had someone else to make her life worth living, something other than her cranky dad.

'_He's right...I tried, I tried my hardest...'_

"I love you dad."

...

Nothing...

Lilly teary eyes open to see no one. She was alone sitting in the passenger seat. She slowly got up and rubbed her eyes, were under them had become red, puffy and sore to the touch. That was one of the few times she wanted to hear the voices, not the taunting ways of Carley but the warmth of her father and the sound of his voice before his happened, before the walkers started showing up.

She sat back down in the driver's seat. Whenever what Larry said what she wanted or what she needed it hear, or maybe it was both. Lilly brushed her hair out of her face and started driving again, down the lonely road.

Carelessly placing a hand on her stomach rubbing it softly in a circular pattern, she wasn't just surviving for herself anymore, she had something inside her that needed her more than anything right now whenever she was ready or not she had something to live for now.

'_It's just the two of us now, be brave.'_

As much she wanted to deny she was going insane she was, and she needed to return to her sanity. Her hers and her baby's sake, she was going to have a new family...she wasn't going to be alone anymore.

Loneliness...it's a hard word to think about. No one wants to be alone not like this, she didn't want to be like this, and she didn't want to be stranded while pregnant...if only she took the test sooner when he was with her! Maybe things could have been different. She did notice her period was running late but didn't make that big a deal out of it...what a mistake that was. Maybe if she found out earlier well he was with her this wouldn't be happening. She would be with the group, he would be with, they could find a much safer place, Carely wouldn't be dead and she and him could have the baby and maybe get married.

'_That's fucking stupid.' _Lilly thoughwho would marry a hard-ass, cranky dictator woman like her? Then she remembered what Larry had said.

"_He loved you, you know."_

Was that okay? Does love make you weak? Is it okay to fall in love when the world gone to shit? Or is it just another risk that could get you killed?

Lilly clutched the steering wheel harder, the memories of him entering her head.

_It was close to midnight, she had just stepped out of the shower and thankfully Kenny had fixed the water heater so the group could enjoy a hot shower for once. The towel wrapped on her body, he enters the room and he gets embarrassed and turns around to leave but Lilly grabs a hold of him._

"_No, stay." She said a kinky grin on her face as her love one smiled and agrees. _

_He pins her down on the bed, her towel becoming unravelled and reveals her nude body._

_She lowers her hand to the button of his pants and unbuttons them..._

_Shorty his clothes are tossed aside and the night is full of two lovebirds trying to keep their moans of pleasures, love and lust quite from the rest of the group. _

She snaps out of her thoughts about him. This was no time to be thinking like that, as much as it would be to a dream come true to relief that sweet, sweet night. The two of them in her motel room...the first and last passionate moment they shared together.

She missed him...she fucking missed him more than anything right now, she wanted him right now...of all the voices she heard she hasn't heard his voice once. Did it mean something? Did he hate her?

No...He loved her...they loved each other. Maybe in some part of Lilly mind if she was going to settle down, get married and have a kid she was glad it was with him and not anyone else. Maybe part of her mind secretly wanted that.

A loving partner, marriage and a child in her life deep down maybe in her heart she dreamt of that. Him and her forever and always together until death did them part.

Death would always do them part. He was gone, she was gone...there was no way it could happen now. ..No happy life, no fancy wedding, no raising their child in a beautiful world just death in their faces all the time.

Lilly was in her mood state until she swore she felt a pair of ghostly feeling like hands gently pressed against her stomach right underneath where her hand laid. Looking at her stomach she seen the pair of hands she always loved.

The way he would brush her dark brown hair out from her face with them, the way he massaged her shoulders, the way he would raise her chin and tell her she's beautiful when she was at her worst then they would kiss. She remembered those hands of her lover anywhere.

Look up she felt her heart melt with his warm smile, dashingly handsome blue eyes and spiky black hair she loved to run her fingers through.

"Mark..." she whispered softly her already red and puffy eyes were watering up again. Finally the man she loved was here...he was here...she was hearing his voice and seeing him. Real or not she missed him more than anything since he died a horrible death and became a walker, sadly leaving her before either of them had gotten the knowledge they were having a child.

Lilly quickly stood up and wrapped her arms around Mark similar to the way she had done with her father. Her heart raced as she buried her face into her leather jacket inhaling the scent on the jacket, it smelled just like Mark... "Mark..." she said again her voice breaking more tears running down her red face as Mark smiled, gazing at her with his gentle blue eyes wrapping his arms around her.

"Mark...I..." Lilly stuttered at a loss for words. She wanted to talk to her beloved again, just once more but didn't know what to say first. Should she cry about how much she loved him? Say she's sorry she couldn't save him when he was shot by an arrow fired by the bandits and how she should had known not to trust those folks who ran the dairy farm? Or announce her pregnancy? No he already knew, the way he placed her hands on her stomach earlier. Not able to choke out any words she just returned to feeling the warmth of their embrace and remembering the scent of this jacket.

There was a long pause of nothing but Lilly sobbing.

"Promise me you're never wash this jacket..." Lilly said softly her mind adrift not caring how stupid that may have sounded.

"Sure thing." Mark said chuckling lightly. Oh his voice, his voice...it made Lilly insides feel as if there were butterflies inside, it was a gift from god that she could his angelic voice once more. She hung onto his jacket as she felt Mark's gentle hands rub her middle.

She inhale deeply pushing him away and smiled, her face red and puffy from crying, her hair greasy from lack of washing, she must looked like a mess. And yet Mark looked at her like she was still beautiful. Like she was still the very same woman that worked a desk job at the air force yelling at assholes who were too stupid to do paperwork correctly and she worked over time to deal with, the same woman who enjoyed dinners with her father and the very same woman who Mark had fallen in love with and open her heart to love.

"I...I missed you so much..." Lilly said her voice breaking as more tears ran down her face as he pulled her in for another embrace. Resting her head on his shoulder. "I-I wished I known sooner Mark, about my pregnancy...Y-you would had have the chance to...m-maybe they wouldn't had-"

"Lilly, it doesn't matter...I was shot by the bandits...the 's weren't going to turn down a meal. Soon to be dad or not." Mark responded. "I always been naive." He said smiling. "Hopefully the little guy doesn't take after me." A smile on mark face, he hasn't removed his hands from Lilly's stomach.

"Or girl." Lilly said a small chuckle escaping from her, here they were...not talking about rations or walkers, Just talking as if they were a normal happy couple expecting a child, as if married. Maybe Mark was "The one" as cheesy as it sounded. His beautiful eyes made her want to fall to her knees, her heart raced wildly whenever he was near. Maybe this was a sight they were... was soul mates.

'_NO! This isn't real! He's not here! Carley isn't, Larry isn't and Mrk isn't here! It's...it's all a lie!' _She reminded herself. No one there! No matter how much she wanted it to be real..Mark was dead! Everyone was dead! She couldn't lose her mind not here not now!

"NO!" Lilly screamed like a madwoman pulling Mark away.

"Lilly-"

"It's not real, it's not real!" She chanted rushing to the passenger seat forgetting to buckle her seatbelt as she steppe down the pedal making the RV zoom down the road harshly, jerking Lilly back a bit.

"Your-Your not real! NONE OF THIS IS!" she screamed her eyes flooded with tears as drove the RV her hands shaking violently on the steering wheel, her face drenched in sweat. She was losing it...no way she would be able to raise a baby alone if she was like this, speaking to someone who wasn't there, Even if it was her father or boyfriend.

The RV drove down the road in a zig zag pattern, barely able to see from crying so hard everything was a blur, unknowing to her there was a walker in the middle of the street, and she was heading straight to it.

_It's nice and warm in here mommy._

_I feel truly at home with your heart beat as my lullaby._

_Why are you stressed? Your all shaky and your heart beating faster. _

_W-why are we being jerked so harshly?_

_W-where's daddy? I-I'm scared mommy!_

_Mommy, something's entering my home!_

_IT HURTS MOMMY! _

_MOMMY!_

Lilly slowly awoke from blacking out. Her mind finally realizing what had happened.

She hit a walker while driving the RV and it made the RV flip throwing her out the window she didn't roll up.

She toke a second to relax, feeling her sore legs, most likely broken from the impact. She tried to get up but froze. A sharp pain in her stomach she gazed down in horror.

A large branch impaled in her stomach. Blood dripping down from the impaled wound, now she done it...she killed her baby...and herself...

The uneasy groans of walker approached Lilly tried to gulp in fear but only coughed up blood. So this is how it ends? She and her unborn child eaten alive by walkers.

If she failed as a leader of course she would fail as a mother, her sanity was already slowly draining after Mark and Larry died.

She looked next to her to Mark kneeling next to her, giving her one last warm embrace before her fate would be sealed.

Her bloody lips met his as they kissed for one last time as the walkers closer and closer to Lilly with each passing second, letting out groans of hunger.

As much as the voices she heard weren't real..Who's to say she could pretend they were real? That Carley really nagged at her that cried to Larry, that Mark rubbed her stomach and was happy for a child.

Selfish? Yes but...maybe sometimes...

It's okay to be selfish...

**The end! I hoped you liked it, I worked hard on this and it's the longest one shot I ever wrote and I think it mightbe my best. Please read, review and fave. :D**


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